A Tarot Story by Ian Bryant
INTRODUCTION
The idea of using tarot to aid in creativity, in my case the writing of fiction, is certainly not new. Two of my favorite tarot books are on that very subject, including Tarot for Writers by Corrine Kenner and The Creative Tarot by Jessa Crispin. Facing difficult times can especially call for an extra boost. In this short story that help comes in the form of the Pride Tarot, a collaborative deck published by U.S. Games with art contributed by artists who either identify as LGBTQ+ or who have close family and friends who are part of that community. June is LGBT Pride Month. This one is for you.
PART ONE
All Pride Tarot images Courtesy of and © U.S. Games Systems, Inc.
For someone who was about to get married, Susan didn't seem very happy. This was Jenna's observation, at least, when she came into their living room and found her fiancé sitting on the floor surrounded by pictures and a couple empty bottles of wine.
Susan was only a couple years younger than her, but to look at her boxes of old photographs, you'd think she'd lived a lifetime. Jenna didn't have a single paper photo from before she met Susan. And the digital pictures she did have floating around in the Cloud didn't say half as much about her as Susan's did. Jenna was all about new beginnings and keeping the past where it belonged. She was the type who would pass up a family gathering to go skydiving, mountain climbing or island hopping. It wasn't that she didn't love her family. In fact, Jenna loved hard, loved all the way. But love that intense also hurt just as bad, and family could hurt the worst, so she kept her distance.
Jenna walked slowly up behind Susan and greeted her.
"Hey, babe. You alright?"
Jenna kneeled down and wrapped Susan in a warm embrace, gently kissed her ear and looked at the mess before them.
The majority of the photos in front of Susan were of her father, most of them with her in various stages of life. His name was Robert, and Jenna knew he was everything to Susan. He was also off-limits for discussion. But today, it seemed, that restriction was lifted.
"I was looking for pictures for the wedding party, Jen. For our life stories. I found something."
Susan held up a stack of cards, wrapped in a pink ribbon. They were birthday cards, ten of them. All of them written in beautiful penmanship, from father to daughter.
"Before Dad died, he wrote me a birthday card every year, ages 1 to 10. They're so deep, like he was trying to give me all he could of himself before he left. I haven't read them in years."
As Susan opened each birthday card to show Jenna a smaller card fell from the center to the floor. Susan put the small cards in order.
"What are those, babe?"
"Tarot cards," Susan laughed, the first smile since Jenna had come home. "I don't know why, honestly. I mean, I know he was a fortune teller and writer about things like that, but why in the world would he give me these every year?"
Jenna lifted an eyebrow. She tried not to make the face, the one Susan always got mad at whenever the subject of her tarot deck collection came up. Jenna was not from that world, not even remotely. She used to laugh at people who talked about crystals, tarot and astrology. It was a guaranteed date fail if the topic came up. But somehow Susan had moved past that with her. Jenna saw something different, important, in Susan. But she still couldn't resist teasing her once in a while. This wasn't going to be one of those times, though.
"How did your Dad die, Susan? You never told me."
There was a pause, and Jenna reached out and put her hand on Susan's leg. Susan wrapped her hand in Jenna's and smiled again.
"It was a heart-attack. I had just turned 10 and Dad was out back chasing Odin around the yard. Our dog, a big German Shepherd. All I remember is hearing Mom scream and then seeing him laying on the grass, totally still. Odin was licking his face and whimpering. And that was it. Just like that, the most important person in my life was gone."
The tarot cards seemed to be calling to Susan, for she kept looking at them and would start to reach out to pick them up, but then she would pull back. Jenna picked them up, unsure if it was alright.
"Can I look at them?"
Susan nodded. Jenna had never bothered to look at Susan's tarot decks since they first moved in together. It was a curiosity her fiancé simply didn't have. But these drew her to them. Maybe it was the sense of mystery; why these cards and why just one every year?
As Jenna looked at the cards, she asked Susan, "What was your Dad like? I mean, you were obviously closest to him. What made him so special"
After taking a deep breath, Susan started sifting through the pictures of Richard.
"Well, he was very Yin and Yang. I remember him being easy going, but he had a routine and rules, too. It was like he formed the world around him to his needs, never letting anyone or anything get under his skin. I never saw him shout, get mad or freak out, ever. He could talk to anyone, even get in between two people fighting and get on both sides, easily turning the situation from negative to positive." She started to tear up, then said, "I wish I had been able to come out to him. He would have understood. I know he would have supported me, not like Mom."
Jenna stiffened up. She knew this story all too well. Sadly, when Susan told her that nobody from her family was coming to the wedding, she felt guilty that her family was coming, despite the years of flack they'd given her for coming out. It was what she and Susan shared most, that need for approval.
"Babe, maybe this is his way of telling you something. That he loved you and felt something great was coming your way. Isn't that what you always tell me tarot cards are for, communicating meaning and ideas that people can use to improve their lives?"
Susan laughed, and Jenna felt better hearing it.
"Jen, it's not that simple. I mean, a tarot reading can sometimes take an hour and you can go through dozens of cards before you reach a good place. I'm sure Dad didn't know he was going to die, so these ten cards can't be the whole story."
"OK, but they're the beginning of a story, maybe?"
They looked at the tarot cards sitting on the floor, thoughtfully.
"More wine?" Jenna rose as she asked the question, already knowing the answer.
"Yeah, Jen. I have two bottles chilling, Rose. Bring them both."
PART TWO
All Pride Tarot images Courtesy of and © U.S. Games Systems, Inc.
The wedding had been simple, but it had also gone off without a hitch. Susan and Jenna were surprised by the appearance of Susan's Mom and her brother, Todd. Even Jenna's parents and siblings were on their best behavior. Everyone was talkative and the dinner went late into the night. There was one odd moment when the photo slideshow was playing while the wedding party was dancing. Susan had decided to incorporate the tarot cards her Dad had given her for her birthdays into the presentation. At one point, Susan's Mom started crying and took Susan aside. Jenna took a mental note to ask about it when they got home, but by morning had forgotten.
The next day, they woke up hazy and tired. The tangle of linens seemed bent on keeping them tied up in bed. Then, as the sun started peering through the sliding door of their hotel room, Susan sat upright with a start.
"Coffee."
Jenna sat up as well. That wasn't a statement, and she knew some had better be made or ordered soon or Susan was going to be grumpy.
"No problem, babe." She kissed Susan and held her ring finger up to hers. "Think we'll get used to this?"
"Coffee!"
Laughing, Jenna slid out of bed and headed to the kitchen area.
When Jenna returned with the hot mugs, Susan was already sitting on the balcony and staring out at the sea, the perfect ocean view.
"I feel stronger, now."
Jenna thought she meant the coffee, and said, "You're welcome!"
"No, I mean since we decided to get married, the planning and then pulling it all off. Somehow I feel stronger. Not just that, I feel like we've planted a seed."
"Wow, babe. That's deep. I guess I know what you mean. I never bought into marriage, you know that. But when something they said we couldn't have became possible, I guess I thought about it more. You were a big part of that. I couldn't see myself tied down before you."
Susan smiled. "Then we're both stronger. Like two trees whose trunks start growing around each other."
Jenna sipped her coffee, and then it came to her.
"Babe, I saw your Mom talking to you last night. It looked intense. Everything alright?"
There was a brief silence, then a sigh. "You're not going to believe it. It was those tarot cards. Mom wanted to tell me the story behind them."
Jenna sat forward. "Wow, are you serious? So what's the deal? Was it some secret message?"
"No, Jen. Nothing as interesting as that. But I guess in his own way he was trying to communicate with me. One thing is for certain, he didn't plan on dying when he did."
"What do you mean?"
"Well, Mom said before I was born Dad had done some big tarot spread with an entire deck. There are 78 cards in most tarot decks, and he'd asked the cards to tell him my story. I know it sounds weird, but I guess for him it was important. Mom said he was going to give me a card a year in the order the spread had presented them. Imagine, 78 years! She has the deck still at home. I'm not sure I want it, though. I said I'd think about it."
This was a little more than Jenna was used to. She had no belief in tarot having the ability to tell the story of someone who wasn't even born. For sure, she didn't want to be told where she was going and how she was getting there. At first, she was ready to encourage Susan to let the deck stay with her Mom. Then, she looked at Susan's face closely and she saw pain there. Jenna realized this had nothing to do with some tarot spread. It was really about missing her Dad, not being able to share this birthday tarot card thing with him. Not being able to talk to him, period.
"Babe, let's go get the deck. We can drive up the coast, get lunch and then show off our rings to the girls back home. Then tomorrow, we'll see your Mom. Maybe we can ask how he planned to pull off getting every card in that deck to you!" She regretted the last statement immediately.
It took awhile for the response to come.
"I love you, Jen. This means a lot to me. I don't want to hang on to the past, but I also want to be at peace with it. I'm sorry I didn't talk to you about my Dad much. I should have. He was so important to me. The wedding was just a fresh reminder of his absence. I think this will help me find some closure."
"I'm here for you, babe. That's what it's all about, right? Marriage, I mean. Not like I wouldn't have done all this before, but I think I see what you mean about feeling stronger now. Like we're a kick-ass femme fatale crime duo gone honest."
Susan gave her a strange look. "You're so weird, Jen! Get me another coffee, please."
PART THREE
All Pride Tarot images Courtesy of and © U.S. Games Systems, Inc.
They were set up in the backyard, a small table with a pitcher of lemonade and oatmeal cookies. It seemed so old-fashioned and Jenna couldn't get over how surreal she felt. She was from the city, club life and shopping. Susan was from a whole other world. Quiet neighborhood, kids on every block playing and big, tree-covered streets that had almost no traffic. Susan's Mom's house was right out of a movie, picket fences and all.
Jenna watched the three of them for a bit as she finished her cigarette near the garage. Susan, her Mom and her brother Todd were talking, smiling and laughing. It was a very different picture than Jenna had in mind when she started the drive down. Susan had a hard time at home after her Dad died, and she was clear that her Mom wasn't comfortable with her being gay. The fact she showed up at the wedding was a shock, actually, and Susan hadn't felt the full force of it until after the wedding. But something about seeing those tarot cards in the photo presentation had set something in motion. Something good.
"Everything alright here, babe?"
Susan's Mom gave Jenna a nervous smile. It was going to take time, sure. But Jenna appreciated the effort. She smiled back.
"Yeah, I think we're about ready to head back. Mom, thank you for this." Susan held a box in her hand, the rest of the tarot deck, Jenna figured. "I really miss Dad. This is going to help, I think. I know it's weird, but I feel it."
Her Mom held her hands and said, "You know I was never a big fan of his fascination with these cards. I don't know why he ever started reading them. But they made him happy and I finally allowed him that one happiness."
Susan winced at the word 'allowed' and looked at Jenna. They knew what they were each thinking, of course. That wouldn't be them.
"Thanks, Mom. I love you. Coming to the wedding meant the world to me. Can we visit again?"
"Of course, Sue. Both of you."
Todd gave his sister a big hug. "Miss you, Cricket."
"Miss you, too, Todd. Love you."
Jenna opened the car door for Susan, and asked "Cricket?"
Susan replied, "Coffee."
Oh, so it's like that, Jenna smiled.
The entire drive home Susan clutched on to the tarot cards, unconsciously opening and closing the top as if she wanted to take the cards out. She never did.
When they got home, Jenna kissed Susan and said, “I’m going to take a nap, alright? It was a long drive and I think the lemonade and cookies aren’t sitting right.”
“OK, see you in a bit. I’m going to finally sit with these cards and see what my Dad thought was so important. You OK if I do that without you?”
Jenna knew Susan needed some time to be alone with her Dad.
“Yeah, babe. See you soon.”
Susan sat down at the dining room table with the tarot cards she’d pulled from the birthday cards, careful to make sure they stayed in the correct order. She carefully opened the box and slid the deck out. It was gorgeous, full of color and life, and somehow she had a hard time picturing her Dad using a deck like it to read with. Yet she could also see him in the deck, his relaxed attitude, his constant smile and need to make sure people were alright. Adding the cards to the top of the deck, she poured a tall glass of wine and started looking at the cards one by one.
Several hours later, Jenna came out to the dining room and Susan was still sitting there. Tears were streaming down her face, her blouse wet with them. The cards were all laid out on the table, and while she tried, Jenna could see only a bunch of interesting pictures. Nothing seemed to stand out, no messages or meaning. But she didn’t say that, and instead she embraced Susan tightly.
“Was it what you expected?”
Susan gripped her tightly, her fingers locking with hers.
“Yes, it was. It was exactly what I needed, Jen. It’s his voice. His words for me. Now I have him in a way I never did. I can really interact with him in a way I never did before.”
Jenna looked at her for a moment. “Wait, you don’t mean…”
The laughter that came surprised her.
“No, my God, no! I don’t mean literally, Jen! Jesus, this isn’t a ghost story.”
“Thank goodness, I was really starting to get goosebumps!”
Susan waved at the cards. “It’s just that he put this together, he collected a specific order to these cards, and he read meaning into each of them, and they are all about me. That means something. I was important to him, and in his way, doing what held meaning to him, he gave me that gift. Yeah, this was what I needed. I can finally move on.”
Jenna stood Susan up, held her face in her hands. Looking in her eyes, she saw the truth. That quiet place was no longer there. That hidden thought, the silent pain that had always annoyed Jenna, but out of love was ignored. Now it was gone, and Jenna could see the road ahead.
“So, you going to tell me what they say? There are so many…”
“Coffee.”
Jenna laughed. “Yeah, I’ll make a pot for each of us.”
FINI
All Pride Tarot images Courtesy of and © U.S. Games Systems, Inc.
THANKS
I want to thank U. S. Games Systems for providing me a copy of the Pride Tarot deck. It’s one of the most vibrant and energy-filled decks I’ve had the pleasure of using in some time. My congratulations to all the artists whose great work appears in this deck, and here’s to many hours of joy to the tarot readers who get to know the deck as I have.